The Practice of Mindfulness

A friend of mine at dinner Saturday night asked me for tips to manage her anxiety as she thought about flying the next day. She was from out of town and was getting on a flight to return to her family. I suggested that she think about what her feet were doing and her hands. She responded, “Wow, I’m really tense.” I then suggested that she ask her body if it wants to relax as even asking ourselves permission is an important piece of getting through a task.

She said, “Wow. That was really helpful. I realized that I was cold and so my body tensed up, and my body tensing up activated an anxiety response to flying.”Our feelings, thoughts and bodily reactions are important to pay attention to and watch, as they tell a story. A tense body usually means that it thinks it’s in danger. If there is danger, then there’s a reason for the tension. In other instances there may be a habitual tense response to a situation that at one point in our lives was unpleasant. It’s equally important to notice this.

It is also helpful to notice what happens to the body when we are experiencing relaxation and happiness. When we recognize that we have all sorts of emotions, we can  start to recognize that an emotion/thought isn’t negative or positive, but simply is and that we experience all sorts of fleeting emotions throughout the hour, day, week, month, etc. 

An advantage to the practice of this basic mindfulness practice is helping teenagers recognize that strong emotions are part of one’s life and not the exception. Also, in developing a practice of noticing emotions, we might be able to better notice our own patterns and let it have less power over us as we go through our day. 

I’m not suggesting that we ignore our emotions (as a deeply feeling person I would never suggest this) but rather to watch the emotions and use it as a source of information gathering so that we can better understand ourselves and understand what we need so that we can have access to our higher functions to get through the day: respond to others’ appropriately, “pay attention” in class, and complete our homework in a timely fashion.

When we become more practiced at noticing, we can then start to ask ourselves questions that help us self-regulate. For example, if a teenager tunes out when it comes to an assignment or becomes aggravated it can be a good practice to stop and notice first, what’s happening in the body and then if appropriate ask the question, “What’activated me?” “Is it that I don’t understand the assignment?” “Am I afraid it’s too big?” “Did something happen socially today that is making it more difficult to focus?” 

We are all at different stages in our ability to notice,reflect and regulate. If your teen (or if you are a teen and are) is a willing participant (a hard sell sometimes!), there are apps designed for mindfulness. If they or you are not there yet, simply either asking someone to name or  naming when your teen apresenting a variety of emotions throughout the week may be a helpful start.

 If there is a particular piece that is consistently causing distress (homework for example) it may be worth sitting down and having a conversation during a period of calm and giving them a set of questions (like the above) they might ask themselves when they start to feel activated.

This post was inspired by a podcast episode entitled Why Are American Teens so Unhappy? How Do We Solve this Crisis? It is definitely worth a listen!

Want more tips for self-regulation? Curious about coaching? Sign up for your Complimentary Destressify Sesson here.

Wishing you all a lovely week!

Warmly,

Sarah Weidman