So I made a big decision. Well, I made it back in October, but every day it gets closer. And the ups and downs of that decision has been difficult to put onto paper in a way that conveys meaning and productivity instead of just a round-about of thoughts. So, here’s my attempt:
My life is wonderfully busy. I teach the most interesting, hilarious children with wonderful supportive, smart colleagues. When I walk into school in the morning someone has sent some miraculous activity for our unit and some child has a huge smile on his or her face ready to tell me the most fantastic thing that happened to him or her that weekend.
I belong to an incredible triathlon team who, even when I wake up in the worst mood ever thinking it might be better to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed for the day moaning in self-pity so that I don’t expose anyone else to such an attitude, somehow make me want to get out of bed at some ridiculous hour on a Sunday morning and pack my bag for biking, while I run into my neighbor who is just finishing her night and headed to bed. Not only that, but then they make me forget that I was ever wanting to be in bed and, not-even-so-reluctantly coax me out of my self-pitiness so that then I am a cheerful, smiling, “buenos dias!” coffee-drinking, picture-taking, person. Damn athletes!
I teach yoga to a kind, forgiving, and fun group of friends and colleagues who let me experiment on them with different yoga poses or my latest massage technique.
I live in a quiet building on the top floor where I have lots of light, wonderful neighbors and access to a terrace outside my door. Two blocks away is a fabulous market with fresh produce and every juice you could want to buy. Public transportation, public bikes, tortillerias are just outside my door. Yes, a wonderfully busy life. After two and a half years I call this bustling, traffic-crazed, smog-filled, crazy crowded, city home.
Since coming back from Christmas break (January) I have not had a single day in which I slept past five o’clock in the morning (self-imposed). I hadn’t been sleeping well either, and so I was quite relieved for a wedding that allowed for a five day rest in my other home San Francisco where I stayed with my kind and warm aunt and uncle who fed me licorice and chocolate (as staples, of course). No worries: I also ate dumplings, pizza, ice cream, and gnocci.
Wandering around the city, good friends said, “Welcome home!” and the question always remains, “Where is home?” Yes, home is where the heart is….soooo how many places can I live in at the same time? My heart is torn among many places and does not always make financially sound decisions. Although, I’m starting to think it might be smarter than I realize.
Of course, life is not so blissfully PolyAnna all the time. Children fight, lessons sometimes fall to pieces, grad school papers need to be written, and bike rides often go uphill (and downhill). Going “home” meant staying for a five day vacation and being busy was meeting friends for lunch and going for a reasonable timed morning run around the lake.
It was not so bad either to travel back to Mexico city, have a friend pick me up from the airport where we promptly met two other friends for nopalitos con queso de panela and a limonada mineral.
So what about next year? What am I to do? I have resigned from my teaching job here in Mexico, and much to my delight and terror, do not have a 9-5 job lined up for the upcoming school year. What will I do without a bell telling me what to do every forty minutes? And I do not mean that sarcastically! I thrive on structure and as much as I push against it it’s somewhat a relief to always find that those walls are there.
Crying to my mom on the phone the other day I said, “What the hell did I do!?!?! I love my life!! Why did I have to go an interrupt it?” and relying on an old line, one that I knew that was coming she said, “Well, your soul needed a jumpstart.” Yes. Indeed. Or a break. Or a challenge. Or..?
I moved to Mexico 3 years ago because, well, why not? I arrived here,looked around at the smog and traffic and said, “ “What the hell did I do?!?!” And it worked out pretty darn good.
So with three thousand ideas, a supportive community of friends and family, and newly rested, I am excited to stay present in the crazy busyness giving myself fully to the beautiful life I have created right now here (with the fleeting emotions of ups and downs and all arounds that exist with or without 9-5 jobs), and looking
forward to the new adventure that I will embark on this summer.